Breaking news from PNC Park tell that the Pittsburgh Pirates have actually won a game. Sources are still trying to verify that this is official and the scores weren't forged. The final, unofficial tally reads 7-5. The Suckos held a commanding 5-0 lead, but allowed the Rangers to claw their way back based on the Pirates agreement with MLB that all games be close or else they'd be relegated to AAA status.
Things have been so bleak since the Pirates last won a game that many Pirates fans were discouraged that the team may lose the rest of the games. Coraopolis native Donnie Olson, a 48-year old janitor, mentioned that this is something that he will tell his grandchildren about some day. In a thick Pittsburgh accent, Donnie noted, "We all thought 'dem guys would never win again! This is great! I'm so happy I spent my disability check on tickets for tonight's game! My Uncle Louie always mentions how he saw the Buccos beat the Yankees at Forbes Filled back in '60...well now I gots me a little sumthin' to tell my kids & grandkids!"
Ahhh, to be like Donnie from Coraopolis. He truly is living the dream!
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